This moist, tart obsession needs little more than a dusting of insecurity. If you like, though, a dollop of positive reinforcement of bad habits is a delicious complement.

 

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted genetic pre-disposition

• 1 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons cultural images of perfection (spooned and leveled)

• 1/2 teaspoon of friends in third grade who were all tinier than you

• 1/4 teaspoon deflated self worth

• 1/2 cup ostracization

• 1/2 cup control issues

• 2 large breasts

• 1 teaspoon pure codependence

• 2 teaspoons finely grated perfectionism

• 1/4 cup body dysmorphia

• 1 shattered heart, halved, pitted, and cut into eighths

• insecurity, for dusting

 

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Think about how Sylvia Plath used her oven. Decide that today you won’t follow in her footsteps.

2. Go through everything you have eaten: Do you feel guilty? Or proud? Do you feel hungry? (You should.)

3. Are there any aspects of your life that feel out of your control? Use food as a way to regain that control. Bake a cake, serve to your friends and family but do not eat it yourself.

4. If you do eat it exercise for 90 mins. or purge it. You will still have nightmares, which will be confirmed in the morning when you step on your scale and see the ever-disappointing number.


JESSALYN MAGUIRE Jessalyn Maguire is an actor, writer, and filmmaker based in New York City. Most recently she wrote, produced, and starred in her feature film: Maggie Black, which is making the rounds on the festival circuit. Jessalyn graduated from Wellesley College with a BA in English and Theatre. She also trained at The London Academy of Music & Dramatic Art and The British American Drama Academy. Currently, she's writing her next film.