(for Ambronese)


    She reminds me of wild grass.

    They remind me of wild grass.

    Bone against bone. Flesh of

    my flesh a prize. From all of

this reeling emptiness. Whispers of

    silence and loneliness in the

    afternoon sunlight. Take me

    away from the nationality of

this madness. I can see it when I look into their eyes.

    What exactly they think of me.

    There are so many levels of

    madness in my family. An obsessive,

    compulsive madness about

    cleanliness. Disorder. Bipolar.

    Substance abuse. I could say

my mother never loved me but all

    my life she was my shelter.

    My teacher. My driftwood,

    my potential, the windows to

    my soul. My Ingrid Jonker.

My Marilyn Monroe. Been a disgrace

    all my life, my mother said to

my face. Still, the wild grass comes to me.

    Like the magical and intelligent films of

    Stanley Kubrick. Jane Campion.

My Ingrid Jonker. My Marilyn Monroe.

    Red furious hearts beating away.

    Red little beasts. Wounded beasts. But also, blue and hurt and ill and

    feeling wounded. I want to be free


    and pain-less. I want freedom.

    Inside I feel an abundant hurt.

The pain of this everlasting. Still

    I feel this emptiness inside of

me. Can’t put it into words. Don’t

    think I’m trying hard enough.

    I’m feeling blue and cynical.  

    My heart is worn out. Out of

loving people who do not want to

    love me in return. My heart is


    cold. Don’t tell the snow witch.

Can’t fight this. Not so tough after all.


    Don’t have that instinct. This is

breaking my heart. Breaking the hurt


    I’ve carried inside of me, my womb

    for months. I want to tell people.


All I have ever wanted is to be loved.


ABIGAIL GEORGE is a South African blogger, poet, short story writer, and aspirant young adult novelist. She briefly studied film and television production at the Newtown Film and Television School in Johannesburg. She has been published in various anthologies, numerous times in print in South Africa, and online in e-zines based in Australia, Finland, the UK, the United States, India and Ireland and across Africa from Istanbul, Turkey to Nigeria.